And just when I thought I had it figured out (hello ego, here you go again?!), I discover something new, something so deeply hidden inside my unconscious that is quiet a revelation…
I have been doing introspective work for several years now…Yoga, meditation, psychoanalysis, dream interpretation…It’s hard work, effort, and a willingness to continue to look within, a deep trust that it’s my path. Sometimes I hear myself…”Ohhh, another dream to write down and analyze, I am tired…” But it’s that same dream that is going to give me an answer, something that I did not know consciously. Dreams bridge the unconscious with the conscious. “The ancient Hebrews and early Christians claimed that one of the primary ways God speaks it’s through dreams” as Bob Haden states in his book “Unopened letters from God”.
I have had some “interesting” (let’s leave it at that) dreams since I came back from the long weekend intensive for my Spiritual Direction program. Yes, the experience blew me to pieces…:) And now I am putting them back together, in a new way, in my way, one piece at a time. Oh my…But as I am doing that, I am still peeling the different layers of suffering deeply embedded in me. Suffering of what, you might ask? Fear, uncertainty, guilt, loneliness, abandonment, to name a few. We all have emotions, right? and emotions are here to be felt, not to be stored in our body like my pain. But we all do that, and I wonder why? Do animals store emotions in their bodies like we do? Probably not…when I look at my dog, he clearly states his emotions. We, humans, are conditioned to keep it inside from the beginning. “Keep quiet”, “don’t cry”, “be brave” are just a few words that we hear over and over again…right?
So as we peel the layers of suffering, we get cleaned, renewed, and raw. Yes! Raw! So now is the time to rebuild our protective layers. Not layers of suffering, but layers of love, compassion, understanding, and definitely surrendering. And as this process is painfully wonderful, intuitively exhilarating, and deeply enlightening, I surrender to the incomprehensible, to the sacred, to the divine.