(Picture taken at the beach near our house in Wassenaar)
I believe the biggest roadblock to my happiness has been my fears…Fear has blocked me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Until recently…
For most of my life, I lived in fear…growing up in a communist country, escaping Romania and living in a refugee camp, moving from Romania to Austria to Switzerland until I landed in Argentina at 9 years old. Fear of not being good enough, fear of abandonment, fear of the unknown…to name a few…
My body has been holding fear in my bones, muscles, tissues. When a traumatic event happens, the body either processes the energy (fear, anxiety, etc) and let it go or cannot process it and it gets trapped inside. As we escaped Romania, I enclosed myself in a black box and kept all my fear inside (and all my emotions as well!). That was the only way my unconscious knew how to cope with it. Only by coming to Europe (almost 40 years later) and working with some amazing professionals that understand the mind body connection, I started to learn how to relax and let go, and eventually to feel safe.
Fear is still part of me in a much more subtle way, but it does not dominate my life anymore. I am very conscious of it and how the mind fabricates it. When it appears, (not finding a parking space, driving on the tram line, going to the dentist), I laugh at it! I notice it, go through it, and do what I have to do, regardless. I know it’s a creation of my mind and nothing else.
3 years ago I wrote a post “No more fears”. At that time, from what I wrote, it seems to me that I thought I had overcome my fears. What a naive thought…I was just scratching the surface! ha! ha!
Becoming intimate with your fears is hard work but moving past them is very liberating! I am still working at them, and probably I’ll always do in different ways, but I am not scratching the surface anymore. Or so I think…Ah! Ah! (Wishful thinking?)